When the curious girl realizes she's under glass

"I used to be such a burning example,
I used to be so original.
I used to care, I was being cared for.
Made sure I showed it to those that I love.

I used to sleep without a single stir,
'Cause I was about my father's work.

I used to pray like God was listening.
I used to make my parents proud.
I was the glue that kept my friends together,
Now they don't talk and we don't go out."


I need to remember this - 

May days

I'm starting to wonder how I can get things to be better in my life, but I really only think that 2 things could do it and I'm not sure I'm willing to give either up because it's only a maybe. Nothing is certain.

Nothing good has happened in so long. Nothing that has brought a smile to my face. I feel like I'm back to my old self when I never really smile. I don't know how to be sincere and I can't pay attention to other people's stories. I try so hard and I try to make a nice smile to go with my trying to listen. All I can think is "why can't I pay attention and be normal. Why doesn't my head just stop. Why can't it just be over."

I just want someone to tell me what to do, to tell me that it's ok and that I'm making the right choices. Right now though, I'm not making the right choices and I'm not ready to because I'm too afraid of the outcome. I'm depressed, lonely, and tired. I have no motivation, my body is ridiculous and I can't focus on my job let alone my life.

On the bright side....
Heather is moving in.

Why is that my only brightside? Shouldn't there be more?

Heather moves in this month. I'm not ready for her to move to DC though.
I'll be losing my best friend since I was 9. I still have really great friends, but it'll just be so weird without her around.
Fuck you Kobe.

I was being passive aggressive to a guy that always acts that way toward me and everyone took it personally. My fault, literally. No sarcasm at all.