It's Time to Revamp - Here's a Story

It's been years.
YEARS!
Does anyone read blogs anymore? It doesn't matter.

You guys, the world is fucked up. So let's talk about something interesting.

I googled 'hot topics' so I could have my own discussion.

After passing all the awesome deals at Hot Topic (my favorite store when I was a teenager), I read this headline -

TEENAGER FOUND LIVING IN WALMART FOR 4 DAYS

This kid is brilliant. He was living in a makeshift campsite near the baby aisle.
My first thought is when Zach and the gang (Saved by the Bell) stayed at the mall to get concert tickets. They stole money, they were going to buy all the tickets then sale them for more money.
Zach was fucked up.

Remember this part?

Anyway, this kid changed clothes so he didn't look suspicious and ate food from the store. He was doing everything right, right?

So, how did he get caught?
Well, here's how... HE'S A TEENAGER! And teenagers NEVER clean up after themselves.

He was caught because he left a pile of trash leading to his campsite.

The reason I thought this was a good thing to start with on the new revamped ComedyorNot blog is this -

If you don't know how to do something, watch Saved by the Bell.

Up, up, up and falling to the ground...

I understand why I'm the way I am, but to accept it is another story.
I know people have lived for many, many years with it, but I don't want to be one of those people.
I want to be able to control my moods and how I am. I don't think that's too hard to ask.
I get scared of how I will be when I'm off my medication because it'll either make people run from me or accept me as a hyper and happy person, but not as someone depressed and alone.
Then when people don't understand that it's too hard to control, it hurts more.
I don't want to relate to your depression when I'm in my own. When you ask what's wrong, don't tell me that you're depressed too sometimes and that it'll be ok. I know already fucking know it'll be ok! I just don't want to be that way at the moment!
When I'm happy, don't tell me that you wish I was that way all the time. Who wouldn't want to be that way all the time?! It's fucking amazing! But when I'm not the way you want me to be, it just makes me feel worse because I feel like I'm bringing you down too.
I know I'm not alone in this, but I'm completely empty without myself.
Today is an up day, yesterday was a down day. I'm so thankful for when I'm happy that it almost brings me down. Does anyone else feel that way constantly?
My mom said that the reason I don't believe in God is because I don't need him yet. I needed a God my whole life. Where was he when so much bad was happening to me as a child? Where was he when so I thought at age 9 it'd be nice to die like my friend Ryan? I guess that's not enough of an indication that I need something to believe in. I guess I'll need a God when I want to live and I'm dying. I doubt there is a God that picks and chooses from when you need him and when you can do it yourself.
I'm sorry I don't believe in God, but at least I believe in myself to overcome what's wrong with me. Well, at least I believe in myself most of the time. Today I do. Tomorrow, who knows...

Evil lives inside us all

I still do things I did 6 years ago that I know will hurt certain people and someone else. I think it's devious and ridiculous, but part of me finds it hilarious and that part of me takes over any rational thought I could have.

Today I'm having an up day which makes me nervous for when I'm going to go completely down and what is going to be the reasoning.

I'm doing a 10k on Saturday. Fuck yes. This will feel so good.

This is my problem lately....

And to be honest
The only reason I want you back right now is because I'm lonely everyday.
And to be honest
If I had someone else, I'd never really think of you.
And to be honest
I see you happy with someone else
And I honestly want you to be miserable too.

no subject

He’s there

He’s just right there

Why isn’t he mine

Why can’t it be right

What if I were different

What would I change about myself

Maybe if I was shorter

Maybe if my hair was blonde

I’d only wear dresses

I’d put my heels on

Day after day I’d powder my nose

Night after night I’d take off my pearls

Would he be right here with me

Would he be right here

He’d stay there

Just right there

I am short, fat and not so proud of that....

I miss my best friend immensely. She couldn't be farther away it feels like.
Today I got a text from her saying that she's homesick. I don't blame her; I'm Heather sick. I've always known it's important to keep best friends in your life. I feel really fortunate to have the ones I've kept for so long. 15 years and 10 years (soon). The problem with being a best friend though, you don't always know how to solve a problem. You can only do so much for them until you've run out of ideas. Short of getting on a plane to D.C., I know Heather will just be lonely the moment I leave. She might even feel worse because she'll miss her home. Nobody told her it would be easy, but I don't think she knew it'd be this hard also.

Outside of that, things have been splendid. I like boys. I like my scooter. I think I actually like my scooter more than boys haha. The rally was remarkable and I had the best weekend of my life at it with great people that took me and made me feel like we had been friends for years. I've never felt so welcome in my life! It's amazing to have a 25-35 people come together with nothing in common except for their love of scooters and get along so well. I don't recall meeting or talking to one person that I didn't like. One boy named Skylar made me apart of the last thing in the rally which made me feel really great. Everyone else was onlookers and I got to take part of it. I hope these friendships last a while.

I need to get to D.C. ASAP! Back to work!

I wanna be a billionaire - so fucking bad

This will make everyone smile.

June 19th

What is it that makes people think about what they'll never have instead of the great things they do?

I'm Harry Houdini! Ima chew through the cuffs!

So hello blogspot.com,

Where ya been? Oh, just on my computer. 

The past week has been super busy. Scooters and stuff. Woo! 

We (me and a bunch of other people that own scooters) went on a ride last week. It was so amazing being around a ton of people that had nothing in common except the love of scooters. 

We drove our scooters for a total of 3 hours. All around Salt Lake. 

Of course I stalled at the top of 13th and 13th heading east, but really, I'm surprised only a few of us stalled. 

I love my scooter. It makes me happy.

Here's the crew minus the dude on the end.

Inanimate objects that make me happy...

My vespa
Rubik's Cubes

When the curious girl realizes she's under glass

"I used to be such a burning example,
I used to be so original.
I used to care, I was being cared for.
Made sure I showed it to those that I love.

I used to sleep without a single stir,
'Cause I was about my father's work.

I used to pray like God was listening.
I used to make my parents proud.
I was the glue that kept my friends together,
Now they don't talk and we don't go out."


I need to remember this - 

May days

I'm starting to wonder how I can get things to be better in my life, but I really only think that 2 things could do it and I'm not sure I'm willing to give either up because it's only a maybe. Nothing is certain.

Nothing good has happened in so long. Nothing that has brought a smile to my face. I feel like I'm back to my old self when I never really smile. I don't know how to be sincere and I can't pay attention to other people's stories. I try so hard and I try to make a nice smile to go with my trying to listen. All I can think is "why can't I pay attention and be normal. Why doesn't my head just stop. Why can't it just be over."

I just want someone to tell me what to do, to tell me that it's ok and that I'm making the right choices. Right now though, I'm not making the right choices and I'm not ready to because I'm too afraid of the outcome. I'm depressed, lonely, and tired. I have no motivation, my body is ridiculous and I can't focus on my job let alone my life.

On the bright side....
Heather is moving in.

Why is that my only brightside? Shouldn't there be more?

Heather moves in this month. I'm not ready for her to move to DC though.
I'll be losing my best friend since I was 9. I still have really great friends, but it'll just be so weird without her around.
Fuck you Kobe.

I was being passive aggressive to a guy that always acts that way toward me and everyone took it personally. My fault, literally. No sarcasm at all.

Coming up anytime now

A lot of things are coming up this month and I'm super stoked about it.


I walk on May 7th and my cousin Dezy and her daughter Myha are coming to see! I haven't seen them in months and Myha owns my heart. AJ got work off to come too! I was a little worried that he wouldn't because he kept forgetting, but he told me Monday he did :)


May 14th we're leaving to Vegas with a bunch of his friends. I'm pretty excited. I like everyone that's going, but I don't want to be too much cause I heard I can be that way. I'm sure it'll be fine though. After that, we're going to take a small trip to San Francisco in June or in July. 


May 17th I start summer school at the U to begin Grad school classes. I haven't handed in an application to be in it because I missed the deadline, but they said I have a 99% chance of getting in and if I take classes for it beforehand, I have a better chance haha. Adolescent Development, here I come.


May 21st is my sister's graduation from hair school. She's so excited! I need to talk to my boss and make sure I can get time off. Luckily, I do well at work and they seem to like me. I wish I was teaching though.


The relationship has been pretty great the past couple weeks. He really does make me very happy. I love watching him play hockey. I have a good boyfriend.

Snowing in April

I think people forget that we live in Utah and that it always snows past the day they say it's supposed to stop. I can't recall a year that it hasn't snowed after the official first day of spring.

I finally got new extensions thanks for my sister. We had enough hair left over from the first time to do my whole head. It doesn't look or feel dead anymore. I absolutely love it. When she took them out my hair felt so light and awkward; now it just hurts.

Oops back to work. Dang.

well... apparently

I'm hard to be around sometimes.
I get too intense. 
I need to calm down.
I should be more mellow.
I need to not voice my opinions so much.
I make people upset.
I'm overwhelming.


That's just what I've heard around the water cooler. 
I've always wanted to be someone other than myself so I guess that's awesome.

Hello movie lovers...

Might I suggest one of the best movies I've seen in quite a long time. This movie is called Adam.

Adam is played by the gorgeous Hugh Dancy (whom you might remember from Confessions of a Shopoholic). He's a great person that is a little off because he has Asperger Syndrome. He does so well portraying what Autism is and how people feel and think with that disablement. 
There is a girl that comes in his life named Beth (Rose Bryne) that doesn't actually know he's autistic until he verbally says it. Once his awkwardness is defined, she rationalizes and contemplates whether he is capable of being in a relationship. Much to her rationalization, she can't seem to not date him because of his charm and innocence. 
Sadly, she realizes that he doesn't understand other people's emotions which is difficult while her family undergoes a lot of personal problems. He may not understand her reactions and emotions, but she is exactly the same way when it comes to his emotions.
This movie shows Asperger Syndrome so well. There are still many people that don't realize that their are higher functioning autistic people in the world and that they can live normal lives and have normal relationships.
Not an ending you'd imagine, but definitely an ending you'll love. I honestly can say that this is one of the best movies I've seen in the past 5 years. If you're like me, you won't stop smiling for a good hour after the movie.

I already know I love you.

Can he please just marry me?! I'm so in love with him!

They slowly get better

It's almost the boyfriend's birthday! He doesn't want it to be here and doesn't want a present. I got him a little thing any way. I definitely think he'll enjoy it. 


I walk for graduation on May 7th in the morning. I'm super excited. I just wish I knew someone else graduation so I wouldn't have to sit by myself for so long. 


About to watch Priceless, but of course Travis texts me. Ugh. What to do.. What to do...


I heart my boyfriend big times.